Talking to Myself

Image by Team GHB

:: previous – Placement Test


Since I got home, I’ve been a lazy person.

It’s been hours since I finished my placement test and I’ve refreshed the portal at least a million times on my phone. With every passing minute not knowing my grade, I die a little inside.

I tried shavasana, a hot bubble bath, and a honey chamomile tea. Nothing will make the doom feeling go away. Instructor Inga said grades would post this evening, but it’s taking a while and all I can think about is something bad happening, like my test getting lost or outright failing.

I remember Emilian and how fast he finished his test. Must be great being smart. And mean. He probably gets whatever he wants because he’s mean. The hot ones are always mean. Emilian looks kind and down-to-earth with his parted hair, glasses and those crisp light blue shirts with the sleeves rolled up and those toned brown arms and all that dark hair on them.

Until he speaks to me, and I wish I didn’t exist.

I can still feel my fingers getting crushed when he pushed the chair in while I was holding it. That was the first day we met. What would kissing him be like? We’d probably have to schedule it on the calendar: Wednesdays—peck at noon.

Watch, he gets the best placement test score.

At least he was nice today… He wished me good luck when he left. He was smiling too; I think.

Wait… Does he like me?

No, stop. Just because someone is nice doesn’t mean they like me like that. If he was being nice. It could’ve been sarcasm when he said good luck. That’s exactly what a hot mean guy would do. Word spells and all that to draw you closer to their web and strangle your heart when you least expect it.


I still can’t believe we spoke. I was so focused on the test I didn’t feel nervous around him. And I was being myself.

Now I bet he thinks I’m a witch after offering him my stones. Why did I do that?

It seemed like he was listening though… I saw how big his eyes got when I asked if he enjoyed taking tests. He seemed pumped. Maybe that’s what works for handling hot mean guys. Shower them with kindness and attention to cure their dry hearts…

Mm. Emilian in the shower…

I shake the thought out of my head and refresh my screen. No grades yet. Come on, Inga!

I know I passed. I know I passed. I’ve repeated it all day long to sway my anxious energy into manifesting a 300 score. Why aren’t my worries gone?

Ugh… I spin around the room like I’m a little girl again. Honestly, I’m losing my mind.

I let myself fall against the wall. It’s cold against my body. I forgot I’m only wearing shorts and still a little wet from my bath. Who cares? The wall doesn’t. I can do an amazing split and pretend this wall is a man. It’s been so long…

“I’m losing it.”

I quiet down when I hear voices beyond the wall. Someone next door. Two voices, it sounds like. I didn’t know anyone lived next to me. Management said this complex was quieter since most students choose to live on campus.

I press myself against the wall harder. It’s two voices, a man and woman, but I hear the man more. He sounds like he’s…

They’re having…



Those moans sound hot. I wish I had a window to see in right here. Must be a lucky woman. Why can’t I meet a nice hot guy to make me sound like that? Where are they?

Taken or dead, I guess.

My phone rings from the bed. “Yes! Grades!” I grab it fast.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. I take a few deep breaths and refresh my portal and peek… 350! 350? What? No… That can’t be. That’s like crazy genius level. I’m not that smart.

“No… No, maybe I am that smart. Whatever. Screw it, I did it! 350! It says it right there! Yes! I passed!”

Now I don’t have to pay my school fees and I’m in honors. I feel so free now. Free from all that worry… They were chains around my neck choking me.

“I did it! I did it!”

I run outside, jumping and screaming.


“Shut up.”

I hear a deep voice growl behind me. I turn to a man standing in his doorway.

do have a neighbor–


He’s in basketball shorts and nothing else. His dark hair is wavy than normal and hangs down a little in front of his face. He doesn’t have his glasses on and looks pissed…

He squints. “Misa?”

I don’t have a shirt on!

I run back inside, slam the door and lock both locks. How did I forget to put on a shirt? My hearts racing… Fuck. Emilian saw me. Wait no. Maybe he didn’t. He didn’t have his glasses on. Maybe he has terrible eyesight when his glasses are off. Yeah, that’s it. He saw nothing. Nope. Emilian did not see my boobs.

My gosh…

Life has been a roller coaster since I’ve moved to Black Mountain. First Timothy asking me on a date, then making me pay for it. The stress of this test, now my classmate who hates me lives next door and saw my boobs.

I go to the fridge and take out the housewarming gift from apartment management. Red wine. The label looks fancy and hip. Fifteen percent alcohol. It’ll make me forget this minor incident.

I grab a glass, my wine opener and pop it open.

“Cheers Misa, to embarrassment and good fortune.” I whisper to myself.

All I can do is smile.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: